Moral Conflict

My sweet Oddette knows that chocolate chip cookies can cure any kind of remote emotional malady, so when I got a plate full of her finest the other day, I could not have felt more utterly delighted and more dismally dismayed. The delighted factor comes from the fact that her chocolate chip cookies can only be rivaled by my grandma's, and that is certainly saying something. The dismay came from my recent re-commitment to eating more healthily.

An inner war was declared and began to rage inside me. A peace treaty was drawn up when a compromise was decided on: one a day until they run out. That way, I can spread out my less-than-healthy remedies in a way that will hopefully thwart guilt.

So I've enjoyed one sliver of heaven in contentment every day this week--until today. No, my plate did not run out; Odette's generosity made sure of that. A lack was not my downfall.

I had today's ration this morning before I left for church. When I got home, I was in a drawing mood. So, being my only model willing to sit still for an hour, I sat in front of my mirror and sketched and colored to my heart's content. When I finished, I felt like rewarding myself somehow. Without thinking, I reached over to my nightstand and snatched up a cookie from the plate.

I took a small bite before I'd realized what I'd done. Before my second, I considered the treat in my hand, decided rashly that I deserved it, and finished it off.

Now to my purpose: the cookie was delicious and satisfying as I ate it, but afterwards I felt gross and remorseful. Tasting the cookie brought me a fleeting pleasure, but I knew that it was destined to settle in my stomach and maliciously add to the fat and sugar content of my body. And, for some reason, I decided to make my experience a metaphor for sin. It never truly satisfies, for satisfaction shouldn't turn into compunction as soon as it's over.

But wait! This metaphor is so condemning! Cookies, the fountain of all joy, the source of childhood dreams, "sweet, round, nice to see, but even better when inside of me" (credit Cookie Monster), as the representation of sin?!? Deny it! Say it isn't so!

Result: false alarm. Cookies are joy. Stay away from sin and eat cookies in a moderation that balances health and emotional remedy.