Not to talk about my dental hygiene again, but here goes.
Crest Cool Mint Gel. The most vile, repulsive poser for a mint-flavored toothpaste that there ever was. You stick it into your mouth, expecting the tingling rush that's supposed to come with anything minty, and a saccharine ooze meets your eager tongue. If I wanted to brush my teeth with plastic candy, I'd spread melted Hershey's bars on my toothbrush! And I'd actually enjoy that! Whoever could make the mistake of shaming the name of mint by including the word in that concoction's title? Who was mislead/stupid/drunk/ignorant enough to think that the two could have anything remotely to do with each other?!
And you know what's the worst part? I trekked all the way upstairs to the kids' bathroom. I braved my parents' bathroom in the dark while my mom was asleep. She is not a heavy sleeper, by the way. And you know what? We have a Cool Mint Gel infestation. It is the ONLY flavor in this household. Someone is trying to get me to stop taking care of my teeth or something. This is mutiny.
And I've been sitting here with my toothbrush between my teeth while I wrote up this post. How ironic that the stuff has been festering in my mouth this whole time.
But at least I'm trying new toothpaste, right?